Expecting Miracles

This reads like a cross between a memoir and a fertility guidebook. I learned a lot and had fun reading the success stories of the many couples treated by this amazing fertility doctor. His caring and concern for the couples he treats is obvious on every page. A great overview of infertility treatments as well as an entertaining read.

The Conception Chronicles

An amusing look at what it is really like to try to get pregnant when the stork doesn’t come calling at the expected time. A personal look at infertility with a lot of good technical stuff explained along the way.

What to Do When You Can’t Get Pregnant

A thorough, if not particularly well-written, look at modern techniques to treat infertility.

Getting pregnant is hard for one couple out of 6. If you need extra help in getting pregnant, having a good guide book along the way makes a world of difference. Be sure to check out the many book reviews and articles on this site. Knowing the terminology and understanding the mechanics (and chemistry) of fertility can make it much easier to choose the right fertility path for you and your family. You are not alone – and a few great fertility books can really help.

If you are facing infertility alone and you either can not or will not adopt a child, there are options for infertility treatment. Basically, your choices boil down to two types of help.

You can choose to have a child with donor sperm. Whether you need help ovulating or not an the extent of the infertility issues you face will determine whether this is an option for you. If you can ovulate with or without help then donor insemination is the cheapest option.

Donor sperm banks exist in many areas of the country. The advantages of a good clinic are many, you can be sure they have completed disease testing on the donors, you can choose from a variety of donors, and you never need to worry about the donor trying to be an unwanted part of the child’s life. More clinics are also offering a “willing to be known” list of donoors who are willing to be known to the child when they are 18.

In addition to any fertility drugs or treatments you may require, donor sperm will cost you anywhere from $200-$1,000 a sample depending on how the sample is treated, the bank you use, and in some cases, the characteristics of the donor. Some banks charge more for samples from donors with graduate degrees or degrees from an Ivy League college, most charge more for “willing to be known” donors. You can inseminate at home or you can have it done at a doctor’s office. If your doctor recommends intrauterine insemination a doctor’s office is required.

Some women are lucky enough to to find a known donor who is able to help. If you use a known donor be very sure you cover yourself legally and that you insist on disease testing if you use a known donor without a clinic. Many clinics offer testing and storage of sperm from a donor you know, any good clinic will require disease testing – a process that takes at least 6 months. If you use a known donor, it is a very good idea to speak to a local lawyer about the lasw in your state and how you can protect yourself and your child from a future custody issue.

If you need to or wish to use in vitro fertilization (IVF) you can save a great deal of money by using a clinic outside the US. If this is an option for you, you can use a sperm donor in the country the clinic is located in or you can hand carry frozen samples with you.

It amazes me how many people have suggested to me over the years that I should not feel emotional pain due to infertility when I am single. Their assumption that I should not have deep feelings about wanting children when there is no man in my life are in themselves hurtful. It is as if my feelings can’t be real if I am single.

I have considered and pursued several options over the years for dealing with infertility as a single woman. Though not all options are right for all women, you may find yourself making different choices as you are in different phases of your life.

The first option is to remain childless. Many women find great satsfaction in careers, volunteer work, and spending time with children they “borrow.” Being childless does not have to mean a life without children. There are many ways to enjoy children without having one of your own.

Teaching is one traditional way of sharing your gifts with other people’s children. Even if you are not interested in being a teacher in a classroom, you can teach music, crafts, reading or tutor children in a subject you are good at. Friends with children are often eager for time off and would be happy to have you take a child to the zoo for the afternoon or play with them for an evening while the parents get sometime alone.

After-school programs, homeless shelters and other local organizations are chronically in need of volunteers. Many groups also sponsor regular trips to orphanages and other places in need of volunteers to collect donations or travel to help out.

Spending time with children when you long for a child of your own can be difficult, but if you can handle the emotional tug, it can be extremely rewarding.