Infertility and the Single Woman
I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) when I was 19. I am now 35 and divorced. I have many years of being single and infertile beind me as well as no current prospects of marriage, so I have thought a lot about whether to have a child on my own. Whether you are joyfully single, wishing things were different, divorced or widowed, there are plenty of options for the single person who suffers from infertility.
It amazes me how many people have suggested to me over the years that I should not feel emotional pain due to infertility when I am single. Their assumption that I should not have deep feelings about wanting children when there is no man in my life are in themselves hurtful. It is as if my feelings can’t be real if I am single.
I have considered and pursued several options over the years for dealing with infertility as a single woman. Though not all options are right for all women, you may find yourself making different choices as you are in different phases of your life.
The first option is to remain childless. Many women find great satsfaction in careers, volunteer work, and spending time with children they “borrow.” Being childless does not have to mean a life without children. There are many ways to enjoy children without having one of your own.
Teaching is one traditional way of sharing your gifts with other people’s children. Even if you are not interested in being a teacher in a classroom, you can teach music, crafts, reading or tutor children in a subject you are good at. Friends with children are often eager for time off and would be happy to have you take a child to the zoo for the afternoon or play with them for an evening while the parents get sometime alone.
After-school programs, homeless shelters and other local organizations are chronically in need of volunteers. Many groups also sponsor regular trips to orphanages and other places in need of volunteers to collect donations or travel to help out.
Spending time with children when you long for a child of your own can be difficult, but if you can handle the emotional tug, it can be extremely rewarding.
